is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
