tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Someone shit on the floor
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
