I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
