I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
