she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
