The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am puke
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
