Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
