youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
