If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize