I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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