Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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