morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
