He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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