laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
