The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
