i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
