Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Help. Why am I so naked?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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