When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
