I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
