Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
