God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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