ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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