i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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