sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
