I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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