:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she pinky promised me she was 18
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
