you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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