So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
