It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
