drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize