That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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