I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
