Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
