Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
