no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
