Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
