grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
