if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
