You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
