hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
