I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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