Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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