that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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