Welp...herpes.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my being single is dangerous.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
