Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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