I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
