it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
