May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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