my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
