Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
