Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
