i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
