I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
