Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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