i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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