woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
