I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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