what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
