Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
