I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
