wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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