Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
