I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
