Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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