party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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