ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
