So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
