god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
