eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
